The Long and Winding Road
by ShelLaura
Summary: Hotch/Reid slash. Hotch and Reid are lovers on a killing spree. Unsub!Reid and Unsub!Hotch
1. Intro

Intro

„Who's next?", asked Hotch before pressing an open-mouthed kiss onto his lover's full lips. Reid returned the kiss by pushing his tongue out and into Hotch's mouth.

The two men kissed each other passionately until Reid pulled back breathlessly.

„Strauss", he gasped and after he regained his composure, he repeated, „Strauss. I always hated the way she treated you. Plus she derseved to die solely for her first name"

„Why's that?", Hotch queried with a slight smile playing around his now swollen lips.

„Duh! Erin sounds way too much like Aaron and that bitch does not have the right to possess something so valuable", Reid replied and placed his hands on Hotch's cheeks.

The older man sighed and pulled Reid closer. „God, babe, I love you", he breathed.

„I love you too", Reid smiled and kissed Hotch again.


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**** I am so sorry it took me so long to update but I graduated from high school this year and I completely underestimated the studying. Then I had some trouble finding back into the paths of my initial idea for this story but now I am positive that I got it all worked out. This chapter is another short one but I promise you, the next ones will be longer. Thank you guys so much for reading!**

Chapter 1

TWO WEEKS EARLIER

"And now it's time to catch the bouquet. Line up, ladies", Jessica Brooks, now Proctor, cheered and turned away from the crowd. It was her wedding but most of the female guests who were now gathering around her in order to snatch her flowers were friends of her former brother-in-law, Special Agent Aaron Hotchner.

"I don't even know why I am lining up. It's not like I have anyone to marry", Emily Prentiss sighed but Penelope Garcia poked her in the ribs.

"Because it is fun", she said. "Besides I wouldn't know who to marry either… Kevin or my knight in chocolate armor", she added with a wink to Derek Morgan.

"Hey, I heard that!", shouted her boyfriend Kevin Lynch and sulking he turned back to Spencer Reid, picking up their conversation where they had left off.

"3… 2… 1…", came the countdown and the bridal bouquet was thrown across the room. The women in the room stretched out their arms to catch it, but the flowers floated above their heads and landed on the confused looking Reid.

"Oh, I'm sorry", the young man exclaimed, his cheeks turning pink as he picked them up. He held them out to the bride and asked if she wanted to try throwing them again.

The whole room burst out in a hearty laugh, which caused Spencer to blush even further.

Even Hotch had to smile at that, although he was generally a rather stoic person and this wedding had done nothing to brighten his mood. Quite the contrary, actually. He was happy for Jess, he really was. She deserved to be with the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. But they had recently had a serious conversation and this wedding was twisting the knife in the wound.

But Spencer Reid always seemed to lighten him up. His uncertainty and innocence made Aaron's heart swell and not for the first time he chided himself for having such unprofessional feelings toward his subordinate.

After Jessica had explained to Spencer that the bouquet had chosen him for a reason and that he was destined to become married next, Morgan approached him. He slapped Reid on the back and grinned, "Better call that Austin girl or is she old news?"

Hotch stared at Reid, who had opened his mouth to answer Derek but closed it again and just shook his head. "Whatever", he mumbled and moved away, making eye contact with Aaron.

The older man took a deep breath. He had been aware of Morgan's continuous attempts of hooking Reid up with a girl, even though he had always tried to ignore it. He did not like the idea of Spencer being involved with somebody, but the thought of him being in a relationship for three years actually made him feel sick to his stomach. He forced a smile onto his face, directed at Reid, and excused himself before stepping out. He really needed some air.


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's note:**** Thanks to all readers, special thanks to my beta Felsenkeks (.net/u/1978244) **

Chapter 2

When Hotch arrived at the BAU headquarters the next day, Section Chief Erin Strauss was already waiting for him in front of his office. Aaron Hotchner used to be the first one to arrive at work, followed closely by Spencer Reid**; **the two profilers who practically had no life outside the office. It usually took an hour or so before somebody else entered the bullpen and from then on it would slowly fill itself with agents, including Strauss. But lately the elderly woman had a tendency to come before anyone else, even Hotch, and he couldn't help but expect the worst.

Not too long ago Strauss and Hotchner had made a silent agreement of cease-fire but it wasn't their first and whenever Strauss decided to break it, her attacks were far worse than the ones before.

Aaron saw her standing there, waiting for him impatiently, and he knew his time had come.

„Hotchner, a word in my office, please", she said as soon as he approached her and left without so much as looking at him. He stifled a sigh but couldn't help the feeling of desperation rising inside of him. He was so sick of having to prove himself to her all over again, of having to rationalize every one of his actions. When would she finally leave him alone? How much moreof these games of power could he take?

As he followed her to her office, he wondered if his position as Unit Chief was really worth it. He had asked himself that question several times and everytime he had come to the conclusion that no matter what the answer was, he would not surrender to Erin Strauss. He would not give in to her because he was Aaron Hotchner and it wasn't in his nature to ease off. He had also chosen not to make a deal with the serial killer George Foyet, when he had offered to stop killing if Aaron stopped hunting him. This move had caused not only a bus full of people but also a good friend of him and his ex-wife to die. Even though he still blamed himself for their deaths and some days the guilt of it overwhelmed him, he knew he had made the right decision.

Once in her office, Hotch waited for his superior to take a seat behind her desk before sitting down in the chair opposite hers.

„Where is your team planning on going next?", she asked and folded her hands in front of her.

„New York. There seems to be an attempt of ethnical cleansing in Chinatown. Agent Jareau and I chose this case last night, we told the team to be here for the briefing in an hour", he looked at his watch, „Well, fifty five minutes actually"

„You will be going to Blacksburg, Virginia", Strauss said and handed him a file.

Aaron peeked into it before looking back at her, furrowing his brows.

„Is this a joke?"

„Aaron, you should know that humor is not my strongest suit. It's only a four and a half hour ride, I'm sure driving with the SUV's will suffice. If you leave now, you should..."

No matter how rude it was to interrupt his boss, Hotch did it anyway. „Is this about the budget cuts? Because I'm sure the team will have no problem taking a public flight to New York"

„This has nothing to do with the expenses, Agent Hotchner"

„With all due respect, there are six people dead in New York and everything points to several more to come. This single homicide case in Blacksburg...", he stopped when he saw Strauss' face. He closed his eyes for a second before trying it again, „We receive several requests, not only nationwide, from police departments who are in need of assistance. As much as I wish we could, we cannot help everyone and we have to choose cases over other ones. And those with a higher number of victims and the probability of more to follow are usually those we pick"

The blonde woman shook her head. „You don't have to tell me that. I still want you to go to Blacksburg. This dead prostitute is missing her liver. Her killer could very well be trying to imitate Jack the Ripper and if you were to catch him before he kills more women, the reputation of the BAU would certainly benefit from it"

Hotchner sighed. So her orders were once again politically motivated. He contemplated arguing further with her, but he found he wasn't even interested in her agenda and decided to go another way to at least find a compromise.

„The team will go to New York. Sending all of our agents to Blacksburg would be a waste of time and the NYPD does not have that. I will go to Blacksburg along with another agent, but the rest of the team will be going to New York"

Strauss looked like she wanted to say something else but then she just leaned back in her seat and muttered, „Fine"

As Hotch stood up, he started wondering which of his agents he should take along. He immediately thought of Spencer. Years ago, when Haley was still alive, when they had still been married it would have been a no-brainer. Not only did he enjoy Reid's company the most, the younger man also motivated him. He inspired trains of thoughts Hotch might have never considered otherwise, he brought out a side of him which wanted to give even more than his best.

What he felt for the young man was so diverse, it was all over the place on the scale of appreciating emotions. It had taken Aaron a while to realize that he was also interested in him on a romantic level and that he felt attracted to him sexually. He never acted on it, nevertheless he had paired himself up with Reid as often as possible, had always taken the genius with him when the team had to split up, until Haley divorced him. The day Spencer Reid had turned from a fantasy into a possibility, Hotch had gotten cold feet. Slowly but surely he had distanced himself from the young man.

He had done his best to ignore his feelings for Reid, he had suppressed them, shoved them away and had succeeded for a while. But lately they had surfaced again and he wasn't sure if he had it in him to fight them any longer.

Not that he planned on trying anything with his subordinate, but just the thought of getting to spend some time with Reid made him happy and Aaron was tired of denying himself these emotions.

So before he could change his mind, he approached Spencer, who was lowering his messenger bag to the floor and looked like he was just about to sit down behind his desk.

„Good morning, Hotch", he greeted with a smile when he saw his boss and remained standing.

Aaron handed Spencer the file Strauss had given him. „The two of us are going to Blacksburg. Meet me at my car in five", he said before making his way towards JJ's office.

He told her about the change of plans and instructed her to brief the team, as well as to ensure that Morgan knew he was in charge for this case.

When Hotch got to his car, Reid was already waiting for him with his go-bag in hand. Aaron took it from him and placed it inside the trunk. They both got in the car and Reid waited for Hotch to leave the FBI parking space before he started to speak.

„So, why are we going to Blacksburg? I mean, in the file you gave me there was only the report of one body..."

„That's cause there is just one", Hotch said, „Strauss thinks our unsub might be a Jack the Ripper copycat"

„That doesn't make sense. Jack the Ripper slashed his victims throats and mutilated their bodies with a knife. Our victim's body has no single injury aside from the cuts necessary to take her liver. Jack the Ripper didn't even take any organs from his first victim..."

„I know, Reid. Trust me, I would have not taken this case but Strauss insisted. Would you do me a favor and call Garcia? Tell her to check if any prostitutes went missing in Blacksburg over the past year. Maybe this wasn't his first victim"

„Sure", Reid said, took out his phone and did as he had been told. After hanging up, he went over the file on his lap again. He brought his hand up to his eyebrows, a sign that he was mulling something over.

„What is it?", Hotch asked, having seen it from the corner of his eye.

„The unsub gave her some anestethic, then he cut out her liver and left her to bleed to death. I think taking her liver was the sole purpose of this killing"

Hotch nodded, he had come to the same conclusion but he hadn't said so in order to hear Reid's unbiased opinion.

„The cuts seem very professional. Reid, you know a lot about anatomy, would you be able to remove a liver like that?"

„I'm not sure. I might, but to me it looks like a doctor, more specifically a surgeon removed it. Do you think this is the start of some organ theft organisation?"

„I don't know, why did he just take the liver then? More organs would bring more money", Hotch argued.

„True. So he just needed the liver. But for what?"

„That's what we are going to find out"

There was a short pause, Reid went over the report in his head again and sighed.

Hotch looked over at him, long enough to make eye contact before turning his attention towards the road again.

Spencer gnawed at his lower lip. „There are no living relatives of our victim"

„That's right, so we will be mostly questioning her collegues. Ask them if they've seen anything out of the ordinary in the past days"

„I know", Reid said with a slightly exasperated undertone. „Is that why you took me along? Because prostitutes like talking to me?"

Hotch chuckled, thinking back of several cases, where they had interviewed sex workers and everytime Reid had been along they had propositioned the young man.

„It's not funny, Hotch", Reid said and pouted.

Hotch looked over at him and regretted it straightaway. Any amusement was wiped off his face as if it had never been there. The way Reid had pulled out his lower lip in defiance was doing things to Aaron. For a moment he thought about what it would feel like to lean in and kiss those lips. Taste them, run his tongue along them and tease them with his teeth.

Hotch cleared his throat. „You're right. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel uncomfortable talking to women with that profession, you shouldn't have to do that"

„Don't be silly. I have to, it's part of my job. And it's not that bad...", Reid trailed off.

They were silent for a while but then Aaron decided to speak.

„I don't have to tell you that it is beneficial to gain the trust of the people we are questioning, because that way we get more and more important information. Prostitutes trust you because most of them have negative experiences with men but you don't seem like a threat to them. Remember one of those who flirted with you in Kansas? You told her you were not interested and she replied, 'Can't blame a girl for trying to get a goodlooking man in her bed for once. A goodlooking one that won't beat the crap out of her'"

„Yeah, I remember", Reid said with a sad smile.

„What I am saying is that many of those women we are going to question will feel comfortable around you and therefore they will open up. This is certainly going to help us find the unsub but it is not the reason I chose to take you along", Hotch said and mentally kicked himself for addressing the topic.

„It's not?", Reid asked. Aaron glanced at him and was relieved to find nothing but curiosity in the eyes of his subordinate.

„No. I just thought it was time for the two of us to go on a road trip again", Hotch said as casually as possible.

„It's been four years since the last one", Reid said and sunk a little more into his seat.

There was another period of silence, the two men realized for the first time that the radio had been turned on and running quietly the whole time. Hotch was about to switch it off when the song changed.

„_The long and winding road, that leads to your door..."_

Hotch turned the volume louder. He didn't notice Reid stare at him in interest, he was too engulfed in the music coming out of the speakers.

He relished those beautiful words Paul McCartney was singing and thought about how this Beatles song described his feelings, his situation with Spencer.

„_Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried. Anyway, you'll never know the many ways I've tried"_

Aaron mouthed the words until it occured to him where he was and that Spencer was sitting right next to him. He closed his mouth very slowly as to not direct any more attention toward him and acted as if nothing had happened. Maybe Spencer hadn't seen it. He didn't dare move his head to look at him, so he would hopefully never know.

„_Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to your door"_

He tried hard to keep his embarrassment from showing but he felt his ears getting hot. He suddenly felt the urge to turn off the radio, he felt uneasy having his emotions displayed like that. Spencer was a profiler after all, he must have found something about Aaron's behaviour suspicious. What if Spencer thought he was trying to confess his love for him by turning up the volume of the song?

Hotch forced himself to calm down and after weighing up his options he decided to leave the radio on. The song ended, another one started and everything was normal again. Just two people listening to the radio.

After approximately half an hour Hotch turned it off, there were just too many love songs on the DJ's playlist. Apparantly Reid had been waiting for this moment, because as soon as it was quiet again, he started rambling.

„You know, it's funny that we've actually never been to Blacksburg before. On a case, I mean. It's one of the cities in Virginia with the highest poverty and unemployment rate. Also serial killer Henry Lee Lucas was born here and the Virginia Tech is situated in Blacksburg. You know, where the massacre took place...", Reid stopped when Hotch turned his head briefly to look at him. „I'm sorry. I forgot, you don't wanna hear this"

Hotch was confused. „What? I never said that"

„You don't have to. Nobody wants to hear it", Reid mumbled.

„That's not true. I'm always amazed by the way your mind works. I just have to interrupt you sometimes when we're under time pressure and you draw out the punch line"

Reid grinned at that.

Hotch also felt a smile tugging at his lips. Everything about Spencer Reid amazed him. Most of all how he had managed to become this amazing person after all he had been through in his childhood.

Aaron's stomach dropped as his thoughts wandered from young Spencer to Jack and back again.

He waited a few minutes but when Reid didn't look like he was about to start a conversation, Aaron spoke.

„Reid. Spencer? Can I ask you something personal?"

Reid's eyes widened, not in shock but in surprise. „Um, sure", he said.

„When you were a child... your father left and your mother... They both raised you but she...", Aaron didn't know how to phrase what he was thinking appropriately. He didn't want to hurt or offend Reid in any way.

„She did most of the education, yeah", Reid shrugged.

„Even though she was sometimes..."

„Incapable of taking care of me? Yes. But she taught me how to read and that was most important for me, I guess"

Hotch paused, there was no easy way to put his question, he had to just ask it. „Do you think that maybe it would have been better if somebody had adopted you?"

Spencer pursed his lips. „I have never thought about that, actually. Well, when it comes to raising children nurture is more important than nature because if you love your child, it doesn't matter whether you are a biological parent. Blood relation says nothing about the capability of a parent..."

„Reid, I didn't ask for a scientifical answer"  
>Spencer shifted in his seat. „Garcia is adopted and she loves her adoptive parents"<p>

„I asked for your opinion. Yours personally"

Reid's mouth closed and opened again but it took a while for him to reply, „It would have been easier. I love my mother and I am proud to be her son but sometimes it was too much"

Hotch swallowed. Spencer saw it and frowned. Had he given the wrong answer? He thought about it again and felt the need to say more about that topic.

„But that's just theoretical. My mother loved me, she did the best she could, I'm very grateful..." While he spoke, he asked himself why Hotch would ask him stuff like that and when it became clear to him he gasped. „This is about Jack?"

Hotch nodded. „Jessica and Bill want to adopt him"

„How dare they! You're a great father"

„They're right and I'm not a great father, I'm barely there for Jack. Jessica and Bill are. Jack spends more time at their house than at mine. They get to see him growing up every day while all I have is pictures and videos of some minuscule moments. It was the same thing when Haley was still alive, nothing's changed but the fact that now he's in a stable home. Jessica and Bill are his true parents"

Reid shook his head. „But you're his father"

„You just said it yourself, blood relation means nothing"

„I, uh, that was not what I meant, Hotch..."

„It's okay", Hotch said. Then he made eye contact with the younger man and breathed, „Thank you"

Spencer took a deep breath, his heart ached for the other man. He had already lost so much, now he was about to lose his son? He wanted to help Hotch so badly, he wanted to say something that would make it better but all he could come up with was, „I'm so sorry. If I can do anything..."

Hotch looked at him again, his eyes seemed a bit moister than before but other than that his face portrayed no emotion.

Before Reid knew what he was doing, he had reached out a hand. Unsure whether to place it on Hotch's shoulder or his knee, he settled for his hand. As soon as Reid's hand touched his, he released his grip on the steering wheel and intertwined their fingers and the rest of the ride they stayed like that.


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's note:**** I am so sorry I've kept you waiting. I have started this chapter several times but I was never satisfied with it. Then I had a lot of ideas for new stories and I had to at least the outlines for those out of my head before continuing with this story. It is very dear to me, I have high hopes for it and I didn't want to rush anything. I realized some things might not work out the way I initially wanted them to and that made me hesitant as well. But I figured nothing is ever going to be perfect and I will cross those bridges when I come to them.  
>So, I apologize again for doing this to you and I thank you very much for reading and reviewing. You guys are awesome. Also a shout out to my beta Felsenkeks.<br>Oh and it means a lot to me that my very first story, "Vanilla Coffee" was nominated for Best Slash at the Profiler's Choice Awards. I love you all.**

Chapter 3

When Hotch pulled the car into the parking space of the Blacksburg police department, Reid drew back his hand. Hotch looked over at him, expecting to see him flustered and embarrassed but Reid just smiled at him. Hotch smiled back.

"Thanks again", he said and then they both got out of the car and into the police station.  
>The local officers seemed unaffected by the arrival of the FBI which meant they could do their work without being monitored or criticised. Yet Aaron got the impression that they didn't really care whether or not this case was solved and it made him angry. He asked for directions to the abduction site and the dump site before leaving the station with Reid.<br>The locations didn't tell them much but they were lucky to find two prostitutes out on the street at this time of the day already. They agreed to talk to them and while they didn't know anything about their dead collegue, one of them boggled at the question if they had recently had any unusual customers or encounters.  
>After Spencer encouraged her to talk, she told them that she had been approached by a man who had asked her if she would be willing to take a blood test. She had declined because even though the man had looked reputable, she 'didn't trust anyone with a needle'.<br>Aaron locked eyes with Spencer and saw that the other man also thought that they were on to something.  
>"Would you be willing to come to the police station with us to make a photofit?"<br>The woman shook her head and left saying she had work to do.  
>Hotch sighed. It would have been too easy.<p>

He and Reid spent the next hours roaming the streets looking for possible witnesses and from time to time they found somebody who was willing to talk to them. Most of the information they received did not seem relevant to the case though. At some point Garcia called to tell them that there had not been any similar murder in the area.

It was already getting dark when they finally found another prostitute who had been approached by a man asking for a blood test.  
>"I agreed because I figured he wanted to make sure I was clean and stuff. I knew I was and I thought a doctor would surely pay well"<br>"A doctor?", Spencer asked.

"Yeah, he wore a doctor's gown. And he had this really professional blood sampling kit. But then he came back a few days later to tell me I wasn't 'right'. Believe me, I almost had a heart attack, I thought I was HIV positive but when I asked he just told me I didn't have the right blood type. I guess he was into some sort of bloodplay after all...", the woman said.  
>Aaron signaled Spencer to keep talking to her, while he moved away a couple of feet to make a phone call. He ordered a sketch artist from the Blacksburg police department to come down here because he didn't want to take any chances of scaring this witness away as well.<br>Hotch was beyond relieved when the officer showed up and the prostitute agreed on delivering a sketch. Aaron watched them for a while before turning to Spencer. "I think this is a good time to call it a day. Why don't you call Garcia to make sure we have a place to stay tonight? As soon as they're finished we can head out"  
>Reid nodded and Hotch turned back to observe the skilled artist turning the descriptions into a drawing.<br>Meanwhile Spencer called their technical analyst to tell her they needed two hotel rooms in Blacksburg for the night.  
>Penelope laughed. "Are you sure you don't want to share a room with Hotch? You could even get to share a bed!"<br>Reid choked and moved further away from the officer, the prostitute and Hotch. "Garcia!", he sqeaked.

"Oh come on, we both know you want to", she chirped.  
>Spencer continued walking. For a short moment he wondered if she really knew but then he figured she was just being her typical self, messing with him.<br>"Just book us two rooms in a hotel, please", he said.

"But I am allowed to make it the same hotel?", she giggled.  
>Spencer rolled his eyes and wanted to say something, when she spoke again.<p>

"All done, you will be staying at the Holiday Inn, there's one room on your name, and another one on Hotch's"  
>"Thank you, Garcia. Have a good night"<br>He hung up on her before she could say anything else.  
>Reid turned around and only then realized how far he had gone. The three people were only small dots in the distance. He started walking towards them again when he heard a noise to his right. He turned his head and saw an obscure figure standing in the dingy alley he was about to pass.<br>Reid stopped and took a step closer. "Are you okay?", he asked.  
>He got no answer, whoever was standing there did not move. Spencer felt his heart skip a beat, he suddenly had a really bad feeling about this. He continued walking and tried not to speed up.<p>

When he heard footsteps behind him he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He had almost succeeded in calming himself down again when he was pushed into the next alley. He stumbled and reached for the wall to keep himself upright. Then he turned around to see his attacker.

It was a tall man with long gray hair and sideburns, he didn't look much older than fourty though. Something was odd with one side of his face but Reid didn't realize what it was exactly until the man had pushed him hard against the wall. The man was missing an ear and had a large scar spread from the healed wound to his cheekbone. Before Reid could react the man had pressed himself against the agent.  
>"Is that a gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?", the stranger laughed.<br>Reid managed to wriggle his arm free and pulled out his gun but the man had grabbed his wrist before he could cock it. It was taken from his hand easily, the man was much stronger than Spencer. He pointed the gun at Reid and grinned but then he lowered it again and threw it down the alley.

"We don't need that, do we?", he asked and leaned in. Reid turned his face away.

"You're assaulting a federal agent. If you continue with this, you're going behind bars for a very long time. But if you let go of me now...", Spencer stopped talking when he felt a hand at the front of his pants, opening his zipper.  
>"Stop! Let go of me!", he screamed. He tried to move but the man just pressed against him harder. "Help!", Reid bawled at the top of his voice, "Somebody! Hotch! Help!"<p>

"Come on, you were the one walking up and down the street, swaying that little ass of yours", the man had now opened the button of his trousers as well and pushed them down with one hand. Then he spun him around and shoved his face against the wall, while trying to lower Reid's underwear.  
>Spencer wanted to speak, ramble, get himself out of this situation because after all, his strongest weapon was a profile. He should be able to talk the assaulter out of this, but as his cheek was flat against cold stone, all he was able to do was cry out Hotch's name over and over.<p>

"What's a Hotch?", the gray haired man asked and Spencer felt the man's hard member brush across his naked butt. He clenched his teeth, trying to steady himself against the pain which was about to come when he heard Aaron's voice. Reid gathered all of his strength and hollered and the next thing he knew he was dropping to the ground.  
>He lay there for a few moments, forcing himself not to hyperventilate. When he felt he had himself under control he pulled up his underwear and turned to face the gasping noises he heard behind him. Hotch was on top of the man, beating him, slamming his fist into his head over and over again.<br>Spencer's jaw dropped. The sight was fascinating. It took him a while to realize that Aaron was muttering something, spitting out words into the blood smeared face.  
>"Don't you dare hurt him. Nobody hurts that man", were the only words Spencer could make out clearly.<br>Spencer crawled towards him. "Hotch", he said quietly but it was enough to bring the man out of his frenzy. Hotch dropped his hands. He looked at Reid, then at the dead man's body in front of him and then at his fists.

There was an expression of shock rising on his face, but Reid could clearly see how he pushed it away to focus on Spencer.  
>"Are you okay?", Aaron asked, his voice hoarse. He moved towards Reid.<br>Spencer just stared at him.  
>"Reid? Reid, Spencer, please say something", he stood up. He helped Spencer stand up but then he faltered. Reid looked down at himself and blushed. He wanted to bend down to pull up his pants but the way Aaron started to panic stopped him.<br>"Did you want... did you want that guy?", Hotch's voice had a pitch Spencer had never heard before.  
>"No, I didn't", Spencer said.<p>

"Did you want him to fuck you?", Aaron shouted but it sounded desperate.  
>"No!", Reid yelled.<p>

Hotch teared his hair.

"I'm sorry. God, I'm so... He touched you and it's not your fault your body reacted", he mumbled.

"He didn't. He didn't have the chance to do anything. You saved me", Spencer approached Aaron and hesitantly touched his shoulder.  
>Hotch looked him in the eye and Reid could not believe the multitude of emotions he saw in them.<br>"But then why are you...?", Aaron shook his head and furrowed his brows as if he had trouble thinking.  
>"What you did... I mean, the only time you've ever done that was when somebody killed your ex-wife. You loved her. And now you did that for me", Spencer leaned forward and touched Aaron's forehead with his.<br>When the older man didn't move away he kissed him tenderly.  
>Hotch didn't react and Reid pulled back. "That was... I'm sorry", Spencer immediately apologized. He wanted to go on, make excuses for his behaviour, blame the kiss on what had just happened before, but he didn't get the chance to do so because Hotch had grabbed his face and pulled it towards him to kiss him again. It was passionate, messy, but full of heat.<br>Hotch released Reid, cleared his throat and asked, "So you're hard because..."  
>"Because of you. That was the most... romantic thing anybody ever did for me. And it was so erotic", Spencer dropped down to his knees and opened Aaron's pants and pulled them down together with his briefs.<br>Hotch's brain still seemed to lag behind because he asked, "What are you doing?", just as Spencer wrapped his hand around the older man's cock and started to stroke it. Reid didn't answer because as soon as it had hardened, he took the member into his mouth and started sucking. Aaron gasped. He wanted to say something but now his brain had completely given up on him. Spencer engulfed the length into his mouth, stroked it with his tongue. He coated it with his spit and then began bobbing his head.  
>Aaron moaned, he felt his eyes flutter. He tugged at Spencer's shoulders and brought the younger man up to his face. He kissed him hard and pushed Spencer against the wall. When he realized that the attacker had probably done that to Spencer, he immediately drew away. "I'm sorry", he said but Spencer shook his head.<p>

"Let's make a good memory out of this", he gasped and pulled Aaron back to him. He kissed him again before he got rid of his underwear, sucked on his own fingers and spit on them before reaching back. Hotch frowned.

"I want you. I want you inside of me", Reid panted.  
>When Aaron got what Spencer was doing, he helped prepare the young man.<br>Then Spencer nodded and Aaron lifted him up. He pressed the youth's back against the wall gently before grabbing his thighs and lifting his legs slightly.  
>Spencer kissed him and Aaron slowly pushed in. His dick was still partially slick from Spencer's spit but to make sure of it he licked the inside of his hand and wrapped it around the part of himself that wasn't inside Reid yet.<br>The brown haired man moaned with every inch that entered him and when Aaron was buried inside him all the way he embraced him tightly. Hotch's head was on his shoulder and Spencer's arms and legs wrapped around the other man completely.  
>Then Hotch started moving and Spencer hummed in delight. He ran the finger of one hand through Hotch's hair and massaged his scalp, scraped it lightly with his fingernails. "More, please", he whimpered blissfully. When Aaron started to move faster and to push into him harder, the noises Reid made almost sounded like he was singing.<br>Hotch was close, he tried to reach down to Spencer's erection but their bodies were pressed against each other so tightly he didn't manage to do so. He moved a hand to Reid's back to hold him steadily and Spencer let himself sink back slightly.  
>It was enough for Aaron to grasp his subordinate's cock. He didn't have to pump long before Reid came, shooting his seed into the air. The clenching muscles around his own dick sent Hotch over the edge soon after. He pushed into Reid through his orgasm and when he came down from the high he lowered both of them smoothly to the ground, where they collapsed onto each other.<p> 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When the rush of adrenaline had subsided, the full weight of what had just happened, what Hotch had just done, came crashing down on him. He was too exhausted to do anything other than let the tears run down his face freely. At one point he must have started shaking because Reid stirred and looked at him. When he saw that Hotch was crying, he moved away from him and pulled up his pants. Somehow the lack of Spencer's warmth caused Aaron to break down completely and he buried his face in his hands and sobbed out loud.  
>"Was I that bad?", Reid asked.<p>

Hotch's head shot up and he stared at the young man incredulously through watery eyes. His colleague smiled self-deprecatingly as if Hotch's silence were an affirmative response.

Aaron's hand shot out to grab Spencer's wrist when he made a move to stand up. "No!", he rasped, "How can you say that?"

"Why else would you...", he trailed off and looked away from Hotch.

The black haired man let go of the other's wrist, adjusted his clothes as well and stood up. "I just killed somebody. Then I took advantage of a subordinate. Good enough for you?", he snapped at Reid, although it was the last thing he wanted to do.

"We kill people on the job all the time", Spencer started but he was immediately interrupted.

"This is not the same and you know it"  
>"You killed him to protect me"<br>Hotch swallowed. "I didn't have to kill him. He didn't have a weapon, did he? I could have just arrested him"  
>"Or you could have shot him. But you didn't because it wasn't your intention to end his life. You wanted to... beat him up and got carried away", the dreamy expression Spencer's face had taken on surprised Aaron and he forgot what he wanted to say.<p>

"Also you did not take advantage of me. If anything I took advantage of you. After fighting with him your body was still releasing epinephrine and dopamine and I knew it might make you do something which you otherwise would never consider..."

Aaron barely registered the words, he was still confused with Reid's reaction to what he had done, but mainly he tried to wrap his head around the fact that he had not once considered drawing his gun.

"When the officer left and you weren't there, I walked in the direction I saw you go when you were on the phone. When I heard you scream, I just ran. I saw that guy with you, and I... I didn't think. It made me so angry to see somebody hurt you. I wanted him to stop and I wanted to hurt him...", Hotch muttered.

"You have no idea how much that means to me", Spencer said.

"Why are you so calm about this? Why aren't you-"

"Afraid of you? Are you kidding? Hotch, I know you. I know you wouldn't hurt me"

Aaron reached out to touch Spencer but when the young man leaned towards him, Hotch instead threw his hands in the air.

"This is not self defence as it was with Foyet. This is manslaughter, this could even be considered murder", Hotch's voice had taken on a desperate tone.

"You're right, we have to leave", Spencer said and took a few steps but when Hotch didn't move, he stopped.

"I need to call the police, I need to turn myself in"

Images of Aaron being handcuffed by the local officers, being pushed into the police car, Aaron in a prison cell flashed through Spencer's head and he grabbed the man's arm.

"No, Hotch. You said it yourself, they might charge you with murder. Even if you're lucky and you'll only be accused of manslaughter, you will end up...", Reid couldn't even say it, "I need you. I can't let you go to... Please, just come with me. Nobody's ever going to know it was you. There's no evidence. Let's just leave"

"I can't not take responsibility for my actions"

"Yes, you can. I can't let this ruin your life, you're in this mess because of me, I'll do anything to make this up to you but we need to leave now", Reid pulled at Hotch's arm, "For once, don't do the right thing, please, I am begging you, do something for yourself"

Hotch's face showed that the words didn't leave him unaffected but he still wasn't convinced.  
>Spencer let out a whine. "For Christ's sake, then do it for me. If this gets out, I'm going to lose my job too. A federal agent who can't even defend himself. Everyone is going to see what a failure I am"<p>

"You're not...", Hotch reacted as Spencer knew he would and he took the chance to tug his boss away.

On the way to their car, Aaron continued to argue but Reid shut him up, "You killed to save a life. My life. He probably would have let me live but if he had managed to rape me I don't know what that would have been worth anymore. You saved me. But I don't think others would understand. I understand you, Hotch. I know there's violence in your heart but it's not- it's never directed at innocent people. You're a good man and you don't deserve to be punished for this. I know you were an amazing prosecutor, I have seen you talk in court. But you're so hard on yourself, you think you have to operate at higher standards than anybody else and as much as I admire it I also hate that part of you a little. It would be the end of you if you had to defend yourself for what you did back there. You'd be the one to impose maximum sentence on yourself and God, I just couldn't take it if you had to go to jail. We both know what it does to people and I can't let that happen to you"

They reached the vehicle and Hotch reluctantly unlocked it.

"Should I drive?", Spencer asked and the older man almost smiled.

"No, it's okay. Where do we...?"

"The Holiday Inn. Garcia booked us two rooms there"

Aaron nodded and they got in. The drive to the hotel was silent except for Hotch thanking Reid and in return the younger man telling him he was the thankful one.

They checked in and headed toward their rooms. In the hallway they stood around awkwardly before Hotch said, "Good night"

"Um, when do we meet tomorrow morning?"

"Oh right. Let's say half past seven, is that okay?"

"Sure"

There was another uncomfortable moment of silence, then Reid unlocked his room and wished Hotch a good night. Both entered their room, leaned against the door for a while thinking about the events of the day before they got ready for bed. But both of them just lay there, racking their brains, sleep the furthest thing on their minds. It was Reid who finally got up, grabbed his keycard and left his room to knock on Hotch's.

"I don't think I can sleep alone tonight, Hotch", Spencer began, ready to hold a speech but to his surprise Aaron opened the door wider to let him in right away.

"Come here", Hotch said and drew him into his arms.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

They stood in the middle of the room embracing for a long time. Although neither of them spoke they knew that both of them were thinking about the only other time they had clung to each other for dear life. Hotch tightened his arms around Spencer as he remembered how often he had come to almost lose him. He felt the soothing effect the added pressure had on the younger man and moved them towards the bed and slowly let go of him. Reid sank onto the bed and covered himself with the bedspread.  
>"Hotch, can I ask you something?" he murmured quietly.<br>"Sure", the elder said and crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
>Spencer smiled at the all too familiar pose but then averted his gaze. "I said something tonight… I made an implication. It was rather reckless but you didn't deny it"<br>"What do you mean?" Aaron asked. He had spent so much time worrying about the fact that he beat another man to death that he barely had the chance to process what had happened between the two of them.  
>"I said what you did was romantic. I, um, I compared myself to your ex-wife", Spencer gulped, "I shouldn't have done that, I had no right but you didn't tell me I was wrong"<br>"Because you were right", Hotch sighed.  
>"I was?" Spencer looked at him with wide eyes, "You have… feelings for me?"<br>"I thought I made that pretty clear tonight. You think I would have reacted that way or done what I did if it were any different?"  
>"I guess not. That was what surprised me. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say something earlier?"<br>Spencer moved the pillows behind his back so he could sit against the headboard.  
>Hotch ran his fingers through his hair. "There are so many reasons. But I guess most of all because I didn't think you would want me"<br>"Are you kidding? Everyone wants you!" Spencer exclaimed.  
>Aaron only raised an eyebrow.<br>"Believe me when I tell you everyone on the team has a crush on you, or at least had at some point. I can assure you nobody would reject you if you said you wanted them."  
>Aaron chuckled.<br>"It's the truth. Okay, I don't know about Morgan but all the others…"  
>Hotch sat down next to Spencer and caught his overactive hands in his.<br>"I highly doubt that but thank you"  
>Spencer looked like he still had lots to say on that topic but he settled for intertwining his fingers with Hotchner's.<br>"Does this mean you had a crush on me?" Aaron asked in a low voice as he stared at their hands.  
>"I thought you knew", Spencer said in an equally low voice.<br>Aaron shook his head. "I thought you were into women. JJ, that actress in Los Angeles, Seaver…"  
>"What? No! Seaver? I thought she was pretty, that's it. Garcia started putting words in my mouth and and and Lila… She threw herself at me. It was nice, you know, to be wanted for a change. It was flattering, actually, that someone beautiful and famous seemed to be interested in me. I enjoyed kissing her but I knew I didn't feel the way about her I should have. Two cases before that one actually, I had my first wet dream about you", Spencer stopped and threw a hand over his mouth in shock.<br>Hotch looked at him astonished but then smiled and nodded his head, urging Spencer to go on.  
>"Anyway, then the Lila case happened and she repeatedly took her clothes off in front of me and my body didn't react so I realized I was gay then.", Spencer coughed nervously. "The thing with JJ, I have no idea what that was about. I told Gideon she was the only person who called me Spence and next thing I knew he set me up on a date with her"<br>Hotch thought back to the day in question. Even though it had been almost seven years since Spencer's 24th birthday, he remembered it like it was yesterday. He was watching the young man from a distance, chuckling at how he seemed terrified by the two sets of breasts surrounding him, whose owners were cutting the cake for him. _"Isn't it amazing, he knows what he knows and he's only 24", _he had said to Gideon with stars in his his eyes.  
>Hotch sighed as the scales fell from his eyes now.<br>"What is it?", Spencer asked.  
>"I guess that was my fault. I talked to Gideon and he must have… He must have known about my feelings for you before I did."<br>"He used JJ to pull me away from you?" Spencer gasped. He balled his hand into a fist and hit the mattress.  
>"Shh. He was right. I was still married", Hotch said and took Reid's hands back into his. "And what about the bartender, Austin?" he quickly changed the topic.<br>Spencer laughed. "Morgan kept trying to hook me up with a girl. I didn't want to tell him about my real sexual orientation so I kind of played along and gave Austin my number. It was easy actually because by that time I had come to terms with myself and I was purely acting. When she kept calling me, I told her and she wasn't even disappointed, she just said she had always wanted a gay best friend so she continued to call me and I called her back because she was the only one who really knew and it was nice to talk to somebody. Morgan thought us still being in contact meant we were in a relationship and I let him think that so he would stop bugging me"  
>Hotch sighed in relief. He pulled his feet up onto the bed and stretched out next to Spencer. For a long while he stared at the ceiling then he recalled something from that night that still concerned him.<br>"Spencer?" he asked.  
>"Yes?" the other man replied, still fully awake.<br>"Tonight, after we… You asked me something", he turned to look at Reid.  
>Spencer nodded but didn't look Hotch in the eye.<br>Hotch took a deep breath. "I'm just wondering if tonight was your first time"  
>Reid turned away from him. "I wish. You don't know how much I wish it was. I would fantasize about you being my first…"<br>Aaron wanted to be relieved but the way Spencer spoke raised an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Who would want his first time to be rough sex against the wall of an alley?  
>"No, my first time was me selling myself for drugs", Spencer said and that confession knocked the air out of Aaron.<br>When Hotch didn't reply, the young man dared to turn his face back to his boss to look at him. The shocked expression on Hotchner's face caused Spencer to whimper.  
>"It was only once. And I got myself tested after. Multiple times. Don't worry, I'm healthy", Reid was quick to tell the man once he remembered that they slept together without using a condom.<br>Aaron couldn't believe Spencer thought he was worried about himself, "That's not… That's not what I… The bureau's physicals pass my desk too, you know. I'm just so sorry that your first time was something like that."

Spencer nodded. "At least it was the wakeup call that I needed. I found myself so disgusting after, I realized how low I had sunk. You know what they say, you don't kick the habit until you've hit rock bottom. It made me quit the dilaudid"  
>"I am sorry", Aaron said and pulled Spencer into his arms again.<br>"Don't be, it's not your fault", Spencer said.  
>"It is. I should have never sent you to interview Hankel…", Hotch was interrupted by Spencers fingers on his lips.<br>"Stop blaming yourself for everything that happens to me.", Spencer softly pressed his lips to Hotch's. "Stop blaming yourself for everything that happens."  
>Aaron kissed Spencer back, then let go of him. "We should try to get some sleep"<br>"Mhm", Reid hummed in agreement and the two stretched out on the bed again.  
>But as tired as their bodies might have been, the thoughts racing through their minds kept them awake.<br>"Spencer? Are you…", Aaron suddenly sat up.  
>"Am I what?"<br>"Are you a hybristophile?"  
>Reid's head swayed then he shook it. "With the job we have, I'd be constantly aroused if I were."<br>Aaron nodded.  
>"But I have some tendencies when it comes to you." Spencer said and also sat back up again. "That dream I mentioned earlier… The first wet dream I had about you, well the first one I can recall as such, was after you beat the group of unsubs with your baton. I wasn't there when it happened but I remember arriving at the crime scene and they were all tied up and you said you only fired one shot and that night I dreamed about you and, well…"<br>Hotch couldn't help but smile as Spencer's cheeks turned pink.  
>"It was also mostly why I stopped you from engaging in that fight with Chester Hardwick. I mean I was worried about you, of course, but I didn't doubt you could take him out. I just knew I couldn't handle watching you fight. I would have stained my pants and you would have known and oh God, I'm gonna shut up now", he said and buried his face in a pillow.<br>"Please don't", Hotch said, still smiling.  
>Reid pushed the pillow away again. "Well, anytime you would manhandle a criminal I would have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and get rid of my problem. I can't explain it, you're always hot but something about you being angry just gets me. But then-", Spencer stopped himself.<br>Aaron frowned but quickly realized what he had been about to say. "Foyet."  
>"Yes. It wasn't just about the attraction. It was romantic. You killed out of love and then tonight you did the same for me and it was just so…" Spencer fought for words. "It was personal, you didn't use your gun, you were not thinking but feeling, acting, to protect me and… Oh no! Fuck!" Spencer suddenly jumped out of bed.<br>"What it is?" Aaron asked and stood up as well.  
>"My gun is still in that alley."<p> 


End file.
